The Real Housewives of Orange County

Not my typical TV viewing, but earlier today I was vegging out on the couch and I watched several episodes of The Real Housewives of Orange County. I think I was mesmerized for a bit, as I knew I was viewing a new culture (for me) but then I began to feel repulsed and regretful.

Repulsed by the fact that the entire substance of this program is out the incredibly extravagant and wasteful spending of some people in our country. On one of the episodes a woman and her husband had just purchased a second home, after becoming empty-nesters, with the husband's idea of downsizing and finding some time for relaxation and enjoyment. Sounds great right? Well, the downsized house cost $1.8 million dollars, and then the woman called in their designer to redo the entire house, they met with a contrator to put a pool in the backyard - not just any pool but the one that would take the place of the basketball/tennis court that was already in the back yard, that would have numerous waterfalls with laser lights and fire - all starting around $400,000. But here's the bit that just took me over the edge (and truly prompted this reflection) - the next episode (yes, I watched 3) she had decided to continue to live in her $3.9 million dollar house because it was the top of the top, and not to move into the smaller home, but sell it to someone else.

Regretful that these women, men, and their children are lost. They are alone. They are depressed. They are wanting. They are sad. Their entire lives are built on nothing more than money and when that is spent, they seek to spend more, for money doesn't fill the hole. I believe that this is the hole that exists all over - regardless of wealth. A hole that we seek to fill with everything and anything, even if it creates a larger hole.

This hole is that vacuum that I believe is created when we turn in on ourselves and seek to lead our lives alone. This is sin, turning in on oneself and thus turning from our creator, the God of this world. Our fullness is only found in our relationship with our creator.

So the question becomes - how does one proclaim this good news, point to this relationship with folks whose entire lives are built on and sustained on the god of money, wealth, and excess? And this is not only the women, men, and children on this show, but many Americans?

The nagging question...WHY???

Earlier this afternoon, I received news that my friend Amy died. She has been, since I have known her, courageously battling cancer. We celebrated that she had been cancer-free for a time, but shortly after she returned to Trinity for her senior year she was diagnosed with cancer again. But she fought throughout the year and was the strongest person I think I have ever seen - in class even when she probably should've just crashed, and mentoring and encouraging me as a young woman in ministry. Her faith was what kept her looking up and smiling, trusting in God and the promise we have all ben given. Her faith and committment to God and the church was a gift to all of us.

And for a while now, another friend and I have been continually asking the age-old question, "Why?" Why does she have to battle this disease? Why Amy? She just graduated from seminary and began serving as a pastor. She had a passion for teaching and preaching, and for asking the tough questions. Why her? Why now? It just doesn't seem fair!

Well, we haven't found an answer, and we probably never will. Death is a part of life. What we do know is that God's promise of salvation is sure! There is no question about that. And God has blessed all who have known, or been impacted by Amy's shear love and passion for God and those around her. That is for sure. Death doesn't have the last word!

I pray that God will enfold Amy's family and friends in God's arms and remind us all of the promise and hope that we are gifted with in Christ. May our lives reflect the passion and the love that Amy lived!

Being busy doesn't mean productive...

Well, week 1 of my 'final' winter quarter is over. Wow. It was a short one, with no classes on Monday due to the holiday, but at times it was long. And yet it is now "gone." But I have learned that I will be so very busy this quarter...and that is after I have been trying to 'say no' and not do everything. So the running list looks something like this...three papers in constructive that make me very eager and excited; three papers and a practical project (which makes me ever more excited) for leadership; six or so books to read for my independent study on theories of Christian education; TAing (teaching assistant) for ministry of ed. in which several times I will be 'flying solo' (and this side may be for a future post - but is strangely scary to me - but a 'good' scary I think) ; assigment day is coming up (Feb. 20) - my parents are flying in (yeah); I am preaching twice in January (once in my old MIC congregation and once here in chapel - which IS scary to me); supervisors from internships are coming into town for a few days in Jan.; the team from New Orleans will be hosting a benefit dinner on Feb. 1 and I have some 'running' around to do that; great hockey game on Feb. 11th (someone's birthday too - so that will be awesome!); my I-Group is leading worship in Jan.; and well all the other 'regulars' of student life and general life as a whole.

Now, granted I have lived through this much and much more in other parts of my life (I think of teaching two undergraduate classes and taking three grad. level courses, while also discerning my call to all of this in the first place - those were some long nights with interesting dreams) but this seems heavy to me right now. And as I have reflected on this there are several emotions running free amidst this. First is chaos, and for those of you who know me, you know I love order and control (not being in control per se, but things being in control.) And I guess as I type here I realize that chaos is not necessarily an emotion - but the angst that accompanies that for me right now is all about the perceived chaos. Second is fear, fear of the unknown that lies ahead of my in the upcoming months. I will learn in Feb. of a 'general' direction for that unknown, and I am fearful - fearful of my ability to 'really' do this, fearful of moving far from family and friends, fearful of well all the newness. The third emotion is almost uncontrolable excitement and eagerness. I can't wait to get out there (how's that for a Lutheran tension - fearful to get out/anxious to get out) and see what God's got in store for me, my future ministry, and the wonderful people God and the church call me to serve and serve with. My call as a pastor has been more fully affirmed in the last year and a half - and that just makes me giddy with eager anticipation and maybe a bit of naivete.

And here's the 'other' thing that I have reflected and observed amidst all of these emotions and fears. And its like a "no-duh" moment for me, but bear with me. God is standing amidst all of this chaos, angst, fear, excitement, and eagerness calling me to love myself in the midst, to go easy on myself, and to live in the wonder (at another time I will post an entry here about wonder in relation to one of my favorite books by Renita Weems and a new favorite that I am in the middle of right now by Barbara Brown Taylor) that is each and every new day. Being so busy and 'distracted' often makes me look away from the wonder, to step out of the wonder that is being a child of God, to live and grow in the light of Christ, to be loved every second of my existence and showered with grace and promise.

So, amidst my busyness I am going to try to be intentional and look, and listen, and feel, and ponder the mystery and wonder that is our loving God and God's presence in our lives. Not a 'New Year's Resolution" per se, but a life now experience. I don't want to keep missing this wonder because I am so caught up in the busyness of life. And I don't want to simply note the emotions and move on, but rather to be in those emotions wholly and so discern God's presence and calling amidst the chaos, angst, fear, excitement, and eagerness.

God is so good. There's not much more that can be said - for God IS good.