learning to wait patiently.
Today I worked 5 hours at the grocery store. Nothing overly exciting or strenuous or difficult, but each minute ticked by so slowly. The dream of being a cashier has been lived, and I am ready to not be doing it anymore. So ready.
I just received word that the Call Committee will be meeting next week to discuss the possibility of putting my name forward to the congregation for a call or not. I assume (although we all know what that does) that I will 'know' something (either way really) next week then. Please continue to pray for this process, the Call Committee, the congregation, and myself.
I am also learning well that being a pastor (or soon-to-be anyway) somehow takes away a piece of myself - whether as a daughter, a sister, a friend, etc... I am no longer "Kim" when discussing heavy stuff, emotional issues, crises - but rather I am expected to be bigger, and better, to be duhdadaduh...super Pastor Kim - you know the one who ALWAYS forgives instantly, ALWAYS gives the benefit of the doubt, is NEVER angry with someone, or is NEVER able to express fear, hurt, or questions that come from my heart without being told, "As a pastor I would think you would..."
Now, don't get me wrong, I had already experienced this to one degree or another from the day I announced I was going to seminary...but I thought it would wear off, at least with my closest friends and family. However, I am realizing that when others are hurt, in pain, scared, whatever...they will want to see the super Pastor Kim, before they see me, simply Kim.
New learnings and old learnings each and every day...that's what we call life, yes?
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2 comments:
Are you working in a grocery store because the various powers-that-be are taking their time in getting you lined up in a congregation and you have to pay for such frivolous things as food and electricity? Or, is this some really neat contextual ministry project?
As for the (ooo, ahhh) Pastor Kim thing . . . I'm a little surprised that even those closest to you are still swayed by the whole pastor thing. (As if being a pastor were incredibly more special or holy than any other vocation! Luther wrote: "Flee, young men, and do not enter upon this holy estate, unless you are determined to preach the gospel, and can believe that you are not made one whit better than the laity through this "sacrament" of ordination!" If only most people understood this . . .).
Yes, those frivolous things such as food and utilities. But it also keeps me from going insane thinking about this all the time.
Well, this pastor thing is new to my family - no one ever in my family before has been a pastor. So I think some of it is "Oh, what do we do/say?" But I also think that a lot of it is that my family hasn't been around with me when I've done the 'pastor' thing while in seminary - except for a few preaching gigs at home.
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