Well, I am learning very well how to wait patiently. This past Sunday the Call Committee from the congregation I have been in conversation with came to hear me preach at my home congregation. I felt/feel that my sermon was strong, God's word was proclaimed, and I was true to who I am as a disciple.
But I have a nagging voice in my head, that has resurfaced from internship. You see on internship during my first quarter evalaution by my committee, one of the committee members shared a critique of a congregational member. It seemed to this person that I touched my hair too often when I preached or led the liturgy (pushing my bangs back behind my ears.) Well, as luck would have it, my hair was completely out of control this past Sunday and my bangs just didn't stay in place (despite the extra hair spray I had used.) I caught myself mid-way through the sermon and tried to get myself to ignore the bangs, but they were right in front of my face. So I tried to hold my head in such a way that they wouldn't cover my face. To no avail.
OK, so not huge right? Well, to my pysche, in light of the critique on internship (which I might add would never have been made of a man, regardless of hair length!), I have been freaking about this. And to top it all off the committee video taped this because two of the members were not able to be there. Ugh. I didn't sleep well at all last night, tossing and turning, just having a nightmare about my hair. Today, I think in response to this, I just pulled the hair back in a pony tail.
Really, could hair cause this to 'fall'? I mean, I guess if a congregation doesn't feel that they are to call me because of my hair creeping in front of my ear, is that really the place for me? But really, am I making too much of this. I think yes, over-paranoid thanks to the previous experience. But human beings are finicky.
So, we will see. I sit and wait to hear from the committee (they as a committee must be unanimous in order for this process to continue) and see what's next. I pray that God's will is done in this process and that all involved are open to the movement of the spirit (if not the hair ;-) - and next time I will have a bobby pin in my pocket, ready to go!
Please keep praying with me, for the committee, the congregation, and this process as it unfolds across the country.
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2 comments:
I remember well all the stress I put on myself during the call process. The running dialogue in my head about what the call committee could be thinking about me, or what they were saying behind closed doors, or what I could have done differently.
Its a great way to make yourself crazy.
As much as possible, shut off that internal voice, and just be yourself. Let them say/think whatever behind closed doors -- mainly because no amount of worrying about it will ever have any effect on it.
David
Thanks for the encouragement...I am trying to do just that, shut the internal voice off. Some days its easier than others. Hey, checked out your blogs, enjoy your time at the Navy Pier. I was at the last churchwide and learned so much, met so many people. I look forward to reading about how it goes. Thanks again and check back in sometime!
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