Lately I have been doing some fairly intense reflection and pondering on the vocation of a pastor. Part of this is because I am about a month from learning where the church will be assigning me (regionally), partly because I have several close friends who are struggling in their own vocations as pastors, and partly because, well, I have had some 'required' reading for my latest leadership class.

What I am reflecting on currently is the call to lose oneself. Lischer in the first part of his book, "The End of Words: The Language of Reconciliation in a Culture of Violence" speaks to this when he writes, "A profession summons the best from you. A vocation calls you away from what you thought was best in you, purifies it, and promises to make you something or someone you are not yet." (p. 30)

And then I think of what I have heard over and over again about being a healthy leader, along with my own longings - you must find a place to be "you" not "Pastor you" and you must protect that place. I don't pretend to put on any fronts, as I am often one who speaks about being authentic and real. But in this recent reading and especially 2:Corinthians 4:11-12 I am brought to ask the question, "How far must I die? How much of me must I put on the block?"

And I keep coming back to the answer - Completely. All of me.

For Jesus did this very thing - gave himself wholly and fully. I am called to proclaim this and the promise and calling that is found centrally in the life and ministry, death and resurrection of Jesus. This is hard and that which all pastors are called to. And in that calling is a call to indeed give up wholly oneself, in order to find the full self that God has created us for. The process of becoming fully and wholly human - in the image of God. And with that brief 'pondering' I will turn back to my reading.

Enjoy the snow (for those in the OH-VA region of the world.)